My life

I love the format, I put all my information into the format information shit, so i could get a shirt. and it said it didn't work, so i wasn't expecting a shirt. but it came anyways!

why can't i be happy

I'm not writing in this anymore, this really doesn't help me at all. It just makes me dwell on the past, and what is making me sad, it just makes me think about life more then I really should. I made a new years resolution, and I plan on completing it. I can just keep a journal or something, typing on a keyboard isn't going to help me. Actually writing it out will. I don't like this because then a lot of people know about your life, and I don't like that. Even though I could put it in private, I myswell just make my own journal and get something out of it. I can already type super fast, and I don't think I'm going to get any faster anytime soon. So

BYE LIVEJOURNAL!

It's so funny how greg is. He's the funniest kid ever, he's so weird just like me. I love that kid, and I'm getting mono. Pretty exciting!
and my sister knows, my buddy list was on to the setting where no one can see if your on if you don't have them on you bl. and i guess it didn't work and she somehow IMed me. and was like GWR?! julia?! whats going on. and i had to tell her. my parents need to meet him asap. and i need to talk the this guy, and see what i need to do. but i don't have a thing intill the 9th. I can't handle all this torture with christina.

i need a life, and hobbies.

Everything is annoying me right now. Just the things people say, it could be the littlest thing, and it tears me apart.

i'm too sensitive.

I wish I had something to do. I'm never this bored never ever ever. I don't allow myself to get this bored. I'm grounded. I haven't been grounded since the summer. So when this long grounding streak ends, if i don't kill myself from boredom by then, I'm going to chesenut ridge, and lay there for a very very long time.


Commit this to memoryyyyyyy

I got caught last night. But I finally got a good conversation with my parents, and thats something I really needed. So I don't regret it. I told my parents how winter is coming, and I'm not going to be hanging out with anyone. They don't really get it. but they tried to, and I told him that greg makes me happy and how mad it makes me when they don't understand that he is my best friend. I never met someone who cares about me that much. I sure told them. All I want for christmas is for things to feel right for once. So I asked for them to just meet people a lot easier, I think they understand now that best friends are nessecary. Well I'm grounded for a really long time. I don't know how long. But New years is not going to happen, I'm probably going to be grounded for that. And even if I wasn't I probably still wouldn't be able to do anything. I still balled my eyes out yesterday just because I'm not going to see my boy for a really long time, I actually thought that I'd never see him again or something. I'm grounded for so long, And he'll have to meet my parents. It just scares me. I don't even want to think about that. and I felt really really bad, cause I get these random explosions of sadness, normally I can control them. But last night before I was in big trouble, I was with my boy, I couldn't control it. I knew I was going to get in trouble and I couldn't handle it. I felt so bad, I couldn't even talk to him, cause I knew I'd just start crying or something. He's my bestfriend, I should be able to cry in front of him, but I can't cry in front of anyone. I've just held everything in for too long or something. I can't sit there and talk about it seriously, I just make a joke out of it. I feel like shit even feeling like that when i'm around him. It's bad, and I feel bad. I always fuck up shit. It doesn't make much sense. I don't know why I try to make sense of everything. Just the feeling of knowing that nothings okay drives me crazy. and makes me think the worst.

I am wrecked,
I am overblown.
I'm also fed up with this fucking common cold.


I get more confused as I go. I don't even know whats going on, or what I'm saying half the time. My nightmeares are so scary. I had a nightmeare that I was in a super scary part in the mall, and things kept attacking me. and I was really scared so I dropped my sweatshirt and ran. Then I decided to mess with these kids, and then i realized they looked like slipknot kids. They scared the shit out of me, so I started to run, and they had tazer guns, so they were like killing me with them. Then I ran to a police officer and told him to help me...but he got tazered too, but then he started to kill thr slipknot people, then i got another police officer to go get my sweatshirt, then I was in uncle joes. and It was one big party, but it was like I was watching a movie or something. Then it got super dark. and this creepy guy was near me, and everyone ran to there cars, and i don't have a car...and then i got kidnapped. what a cool dream hahaha

I got greg a christmas giftttt. I think he'll like it, I hope he does. When I saw it I had to get it for him. And yesterday I was in front of his house! I wish I just threw a rock at his window or something, so i would of got to see him. I wish I saw him more.

I don't do anything anymore, it's pretty disgusting. I have a appointment next week for blah..I'm not going to write it, cause I know people will talk. And I know who will ask me about it. and who will understand, and who won't. It's frustrating. I feel like I can't talk to anyone really. Jill tries to give me advice, and she really tries to help me, but I just get mad when she does cause it's normally not what i want to hear. I feel bad talking to greg about anything sad, cause then I make him feel sad. I don't want to be the person who whenever you talk to them, you get sad. it's just annoying. and i hope this really helps me. I am wrecked, I am overblown.

Somedays I sit staring out the window, watching this world pass me by
Sometimes I think there's nothing to live for.
I almost break down and cry. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. I'm crazy, oh so crazy. Why am I here? Am I just wasting my time
But then I see my baby, suddenly I'm not crazy.
It all makes sense when I look into his eyes

People make jokes cause they don't understand me,
they just don't see my real side I act like shit don't phase me,
inside it drives me crazy.
My insecurities could eat me alive
But then I see my baby, suddenly I'm not crazy. It all makes sense when I look in his eyes

All these journals are set to the friends setting, I didn't realize people didn't notice that, well some of the non-livejournal users. If you add me, then you can see the new 9348759384598 other posts.

todays my dads birthday and my parents aniversery

The block party was the best ever. and i love jill murtha.

I got a new livejournal! and I stole the idea from brittany. Cause shes cool and I hated my other one haha. And I didn't know how to delete friends. Comment if you want to be added.